Faded Dreams
by the-red-robyn
Summary: After Octavian's succession Octavia is forced to come to terms with the fact that Agrippa has fallen in love with her niece Julia.


**While I was working on the next chapter of "Strictly Patrician" I wrote this short little one off based on HBO: Rome but also historical fact. This is based on an idea a friend of mine had for a story which she wanted me to write. I found time to do it so here it is.**

**As always, HBO: Rome doesn't belong to me; it belongs to HBO/BBC. The characters in this are based on real-life characters.**

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Octavia never expected it to happen to her. Always a good person. She thought naturally that someone would come along and sweep her off her feet just as Glabius had once they past the first few difficult points of their marriage. And she had loved Glabius; he had been loving, kind and handsome… then that bitch mother of hers forced her to divorce him to marry the odious and old Pompey who didn't even end up marrying her anyway. He threw her to one side and ended up marrying Cornelia Metella. That didn't stop him taking advantage of the liberties though. That was Atia's fault again!

Yet, Octavia could not hate her mother, and she missed her now she was gone... 

Octavia could see her brother's daughter being thrown into a world of forced marriages too. It was such a shame. Octavia's lovely little niece could have anyone when she grew up. Julia was attractive all her life, even as a little girl there was something about her. She was such an innocent, endearing, angelic and intelligent little girl that everyone knew would grow into an amazing woman. When she became a teenager she was the most beautiful little nymphet in the world, her pale skin; pink lips with a sweet and cheeky smile, huge blue eyes that made you want to look into them forever, and stunning, flowing blonde curls curving right down to her waist. 

Octavia loved to listen to what her niece had to see; she told the funniest stories and they made Octavia laugh after everything she'd been through. Julia was loved by everyone, except Livia Drusilla sadly, the poor girl's dark and miserable stepmother. Livia had a lot of anger and hate to vent, and she vented it on Julia. Whenever she did the slightest thing wrong, Livia brought out the whip and cut her ten times. Livia was the only person in the world Julia feared and hated as a child. Octavian, too occupied with himself, never saw his wife's coldness to the girl, so Julia always went to Octavia for the motherly love she never had. 

_Poor Scribonia wasn't allowed to visit her own daughter_—but that was because Livia hated her too and Octavian treated her so badly. Octavia always thought making her give birth and then wrestling the child from her arms and forcing her to leave his house was the coldest thing any man could do to a woman. _My brother can be so cruel and I pray little Julia doesn't turn out like him_. 

Even Maecenas loved Julia—Uncle Maecenas, she called him—for her wits rather then her looks. He saw her as a muse. The image of Venus; it was too bad her grandfather Julius Caesar was dead, or he might have been overly smitten with Gaius Octavian Caesar's little daughter. Octavia would sit and listen to Julia read poetry, just as she had once done with Octavian, and sometimes Octavia would read to her—and sometimes Maecenas would join them, and they would read a verse together one by one. 

Then Agrippa came in; they had to leave for whatever reason. There were awkward glances between Octavia and Agrippa, while Maecenas felt like laughing. The only one who wasn't tongue-tied was Julia. She turned her dark blue eyes on Agrippa—Uncle Agrippa she liked to call him—and spoke wisdom beyond her years. She felt no shame in leaping up from her seat, no guilt from throwing her arms around him, no reluctance to kiss his cheek. It made Octavia miss the innocence of youth. 

He kissed Julia's forehead and took her hand to lead her to her father, who wished to see her as he always liked to speak with his beloved daughter. Octavia wished that Julia was her daughter, she wanted to feel a maternal bond towards the girl stronger then the adoration she just held now. _Dearest little Julia_. 

Then the civil wars came and took her father away… Julia had wrapped her arms around him and wept so hard it broke the hearts of Octavia, Maecenas, and Agrippa who gave a warm hug and told her that all would be well. Huge doe-eyes glazed with tears managed to smile before she ran to Octavia, who wrapped her arms around the girl as they watched their loves leave. 

Octavia wondered what things would be like after the war—would she be able to marry again? She wanted to marry Agrippa, everyone knew that. He was so kind and gentle, loving and caring, brave and intelligent, noble and loyal, and everything her brother could want in a right-hand man let alone what a woman wanted in a wife. He got on with her niece Julia too, who was raised by her more then that bitch-pig Livia. That was the sort of person that a little girl needed in her life. She loved her father but he was far from perfect and Octavia feared for her niece's future if she had no male role model to look up to. 

During the civil wars, Octavia grew older and Julia grew up; she became the nymphet thirteen-year-old with wits and intelligence, able to speak in many tongues. Before he had left, Octavian had lavished on her the finest tutors he could afford and educated her as if she were a boy getting ready for the day he would be ready to take up government. It was obvious to Octavia what was happening—he knew he would win the war with Agrippa, oh brave and handsome Agrippa, and would be first man in Rome. Octavian wanted his family to carry on ruling Rome, protecting the people—and it was through Julia he would have his heirs. 

The question of Julia's husband rouse and that was where Livia quickly jumped in; voicing desires to see her son Tiberius have Julia on his arm. But Julia didn't like Tiberius— 

"He scares me!" she said to Octavia when the topic was mentioned, "He does strange things with the house-slaves!" 

"He isn't the nicest of all boys, I know…" 

"He's disgusting!" Julia snapped defiantly, "I used to really, _really_ like him and I thought he was nice. We used to always play together. But he's gone weird. I don't like playing with him anymore; he _touches_ me!" 

"What?" 

"I didn't think much of it at first but then he _touched_ me in a funny way and I didn't like it!" she finished, ignoring Octavia's remark, she looked longingly at her aunt, "Oh, Auntie Octavia, I don't want to marry Tiberius! I hate him! I don't want to marry _any_ son of Livia! They're both _horrible_! Please, if you can, advice father not to do it—he won't listen to me because Livia poisons him against me." She placed her head against Octavia's shoulder and sighed, now blissful and calm, "But no one can poison him against you. He loves you." 

Octavia smiled, "He loves you _far more_ then he loves me." 

"But he listens to you," Julia said, her sweet voice relaxed at last, "I think you're the only one he does listen to." 

Something hit Octavia then—hadn't Agrippa once said that to her? 

When Octavian became Augustus; and first citizen of Rome, his dreams of glory had come true and he had overpowered all who opposed him; Brutus and Cassius, Antony and Cleopatra, and the senate who in turn gave him his titles and made him the father of the country. By all accounts, he was emperor, but he always made people quiet when they used that word. 

But Agrippa refused the two triumphs offered him and instead gave them to Octavian—Augustus—and stood at the side with the on lookers of the senate, cheering. Octavia saw him there. He had changed a bit since she had last seen him. No longer a power seeking man. The senate had offered him the chance to be a god twice over, but he refused it. Oh Agrippa, you remarkable man! 

Afterwards there was a party at their house and all supporters were invited. For Julia, this was her first real party, and her father had given her earrings and a necklace from Egypt with real Egyptian gold and gems. Octavia had been gifted by her brother of expensive jewels from the queen, as too had Livia. She told Julia that she ought to give the jewellery to charity, as it was too grown up for her. When Julia said no, Livia said that she intended to give away her old jewellery to the charity herself— 

Julia laughed, "What would the people want your rubbish old jewellery for when you could pay real money to feed them instead?" 

"The charities do that for you," Livia explained, her icy voice chilling all around her. 

"I can sell my old jewellery and feed the people with my own hand," Julia replied with a witty little smile. Octavia watched with keenness; watching the beautiful little Julia and the snake-like Livia argue was a treat. Very rarely did the little girl find the courage to speak her mind to Livia but when she did, she always won. 

"Give it to them yourself and it is not shared equally," Livia snapped, glaring down at the little blonde, "You waste your money and food." 

Julia looked up at Livia and said thoughtfully, "Have you ever been to the Subura, and touched a starving man, Livia? I have. I went with Uncle Agrippa one time before the wars started. I know where to go to feed the starving. You on the other hand couldn't navigate yourself down a one-way street." 

"Julia!" Livia began angrily.

"Keep your poison to yourself!" Julia finished, snapping back. 

Octavia felt like clapping—although Julia was asking for trouble when Livia told Augustus. But all would be well, not only had Octavia watched but Agrippa also, who had clapped the teenager on as she skipped off away from the danger zone. The arguments went on, and Julia won every time. Livia had no knack for wit, only poisonous remarks made to hurt feelings. 

"Julia has become quite a fighter," Agrippa remarked later when Octavia pulled him away for a walk in the garden. "She's changed a lot since I last saw her." 

Octavia laughed, "She's grown up! It can only be expected… But she's still a sweet thing. I'm proud to be her aunt. I only wish I had a daughter like her." 

"You could still have a daughter," Agrippa replied wistfully, "But you'll never have another Julia." 

Octavia couldn't help but notice his change in tone, his musing and his choice to leave her very quickly—not in the nervous, love-struck way he had before when they had been lovers. He was calm, restrained, dignified and proper, as if she were just a friend or even just the sister of his friend. 

What has changed? 

Has he just grown up? 

_Maybe his feelings have changed_, Octavia thought sadly, remembering his indifference, _Maybe he just doesn't see me in that light anymore because I'm older maybe, he has found someone else while he was away. Maybe, maybe, maybe…_

Octavia groaned miserably, _I'm so stupid—why didn't I take him when I had the chance?_

"Auntie Octavia?" the sweetness of Julia's voice ringed in her ears, "Are you alright?" 

"Yes, my love" Octavia replied, making a brave smile, "I'm fine. Did you have a good time tonight?" 

Julia beamed delightedly, "Oh, yes! It was so much fun… I'd never been to a real party before tonight. Wine is a funny tasting thing, even watered down; why do you all drink so much of it? Julus Antonius was so funny too, he told jokes all night! He writes poetry too, and I love poetry! It's not as good as Virgil or Horace though he'll improve in time, or so Uncle Maecenas and Agrippa say." 

Octavia looked up, "Spoke to Agrippa did you?" 

"Yes!" Julia went on with a mew of laughter, "He told me about everything he saw and all about Actium, which was his victory as well as daddy's victory. He said that it was Rome's victory, I couldn't convince him to take the glory… He's so nice! I've always loved Agrippa for that." 

Octavia nodded, "Indeed, he is a good man. But talking about Actium? Wasn't that boring?" 

"No, no… it was wonderful to hear all about it," she cooed with delight, "I was to know about everything there is to know about the world and Agrippa has seen a lot. I said that I wished that I could travel the provinces, and he said that one day he was sure I would," she looked sad for a moment, "I said I wasn't sure, because my father wouldn't approve…" she quickly brightened again, "He then said that the three of us: him, me and father, could all travel together if I wanted. Oh, it would be so wonderful to travel." 

"I think I'd get homesick," Octavia replied, listening carefully. 

"You're probably not the travelling type," Julia replied quickly, happily, "Agrippa says that I'm more like him, I was to _see_ and _experience_ the world rather then just read about it in books or hear stories about it." 

Octavia nodded solemnly, "I suppose I'm just too old for that anymore." 

Julia nodded and sat quietly for a while before turning to Octavia again and beginning her joyful talk, "I have a new nickname." 

"Really?" her aunt replied. Julia had many nicknames in the house; she was called Lia, Li, Ilila, Illa, Ju, Juli and Juliola, depending on who was speaking to her. There were other pet names too, which Augustus used for his daughter (although Juliola was his favourite choice of name) "What is the nickname then?" 

"Julitta" she replied with a beam, "I quite like it." 

"Yes it's nice" 

"I think it's my favourite," Julia said as such started to go, clearly the silent mood of Octavia didn't gel well with her fun-loving nature tonight. 

"Who gave it to you?" 

"Agrippa" 

And she floated off into the house in her airy, graceful way. Octavia began to see it all now, and as time went on it became clearer. She was not the only one who noticed it; the all knowing Maecenas saw it too. 

"He really is quite fond of her," he began on one meeting with Octavia, "They went out to forum yesterday, I was with them of course, but they enjoy each other's company. She likes to listen to him. He likes that she likes to listen to him. She appreciates him as he does her. She is a very charming girl and he is charmed." 

"He's twice her age," Octavia said shortly. 

"True," Maecenas admitted, "But we, you and I, are not like Agrippa or Julia or even your brother. We prefer simplicity; okay I like wealth of simplicity but it is still a nice, simple life here in Rome. Would you want to go to Gaul and be yards away from them soldiers camp in that weather? Well Julia does. She wishes to travel the provinces." 

"Yes…" Octavia said solemnly, "She mentioned that…" 

"I know it must be hard, but it is for the best…" 

"What do you mean?" 

Maecenas sighed, "He loves her; you know he does. And within time she will grow to love him. Julia is like that." 

"He's twice her age!" 

"So fucking what?" Maecenas snapped; he was hoping to have an intelligent conversation with Octavia, "Since when has that stopped anyone from getting married? Agrippa is deeply fond of Julia, and can look after her, can protect her from the hardships she could face. Would you rather her marry that satyriasis Tiberius and be miserable all her life?" 

"Of course not…" 

"Then help me convince your brother to let them marry," Maecenas said quickly, "Lets take Livia down a peck or two. It won't be hard; Augustus hates Tiberius." 

Octavia nodded and forced a smile, "Yes… And he's not good enough for Julia. She deserves the best… the very best." 

So, as the sources declare, Maecenas and Octavia both advised Augustus to marry Julia to Agrippa. Maecenas even said that to not make Agrippa is son-in-law would bring about certain death. Despite Livia's attempts to betroth her son to Julia, Augustus announced that Agrippa would marry Julia. 

Naturally, as any young woman would be, Julia was surprised by this marriage choice coming up so sudden and was naturally nervous. Yet, Julia's confidence shined through in the end as she happily declared that she would never weave another bad tunic again. "I vow to Diana, Minerva and Venus; never again!" On the other hand, Agrippa was flabbergasted by the invitation when he received it, almost unsure whether it was a joke or a trick. When told by Augustus himself that he wished to make him his son-in-law, to be the man to share the blood with the divine bloodline from Julius Caesar, Agrippa could barely believe it; he had never been so accepted in all his life. Being the descendant of the lower born, end of society family, he could barely believe that this life was his, the career was his, the most intelligent, beautiful and fascinating woman in Rome was to be his wife. 

He went to Maecenas and shockingly embraced him, "Thank you, Maecenas! I know what you did and said, and although I don't think myself that much of a threat, it has made me the happiest man in Rome. I am accepted by my dear friend and I am to marry the sweetest treasure in the empire." 

Maecenas smiled, placing an arm around Octavia, "It was a joint effort, Agrippa." 

Octavia's heart shook as Agrippa turned and smiled at her. For the last time, he embraced her. It wasn't the way she wished it so, but it was the most memorable. Not because it was the last but because she knew as she let him go that she had done the right thing for everyone. She had given him up for the happiness of her niece, the happiness of him and for the welfare of the empire—and she felt happier herself. 

What made her happier was that the marriage was a complete success; they travelled to Gaul together, Julia got to see a better part of the world and saw the camps of armies just as she wanted. Nine months after the marriage took place came the birth of a prince. Gaius, he was named for Julius, and celebrations broke out all over Rome. Eleven months following his birth came another child, this time a daughter, Vipsania Julia whom they all called Julilla. Upon their return from Gaul two years later they brought a third addition to the family, Lucius. Augustus was overjoyed, nearly more then the two lucky parents of this pretty brood; now he had two potential heirs and granddaughter for good measure. And there would be more, why not? The marriage was fertile and fruitful; much more so then Augustus' own marriage to Livia. 

Octavia saw Julia again before she left to travel the East with Agrippa. There was only one question she wanted to ask her niece; "Are you happy?" 

"Oh, yes, Aunt Octavia" the young woman said, her voice more mature and experienced then it had when she was just that sweet little seventeen-year-old in a veil being handed over to Agrippa. "I'm very happy… with Marcus and the children; I don't think I could be happier. I have a peaceful, satisfying and interesting life. I only wish it would go on forever. I know everything has an end, but I intend to milk this moment for all it's worth. I never know when it's going to end." 

Octavia smiled and silently vowed and she embraced her beloved niece: _As long as I draw breath, I will look after you. You are safe as long as Agrippa, Maecenas and I live… and I will breathe and breathe happiness as long as I know that your life is not as miserable as mine was. What a waste and a tragedy it would be if that fire inside you was destroyed?_

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**Now, I know Julia was married to Octavia's son Marcellus before Agrippa... There is nothing you can say about Julia Caesaris that I don't already know. And yes, I also know she is known as Julia Augusti fila, but her named was Julia Caesaris. Anyway, I chopped out Marcellus because Octavia doesn't have a son in HBO: Rome, because she wasn't married to the elder Marcellus. She was married to that made-up dude Glabius. Plus, Marcellus isn't as important to the Julio-Claudian line as people like Julia, Agrippa et al are. Thank you for reading.**


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